One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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