I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
