Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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