Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
