my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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