You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
