can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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