Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
