just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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