i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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