And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
