When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
