WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
