Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
