that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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