Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
