Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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