If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
