You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
