Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
