it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
