I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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