I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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