I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
