woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
