I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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