May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
