Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
