I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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