lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
