I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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