I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
