pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
