dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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