i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
FUCK WHALES
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
