the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
