Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
