I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
