she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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