I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
