Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
