I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
