...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
its not stalking. its research.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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