I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
