is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
