I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i came on her dog
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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