i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
