i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
