Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
