Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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