Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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