Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
