I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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