so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
