We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
